I’m a young carer

• long-term illness – such as multiple sclerosis, diabetes  

• physical disability – e.g. uses a wheelchair, is visually impaired  

• a neurological condition like ADHD or ASD   

• mental health diagnosis– like depression 

• Drug or Alcohol problem (this could be an addiction)  

• helping someone wash, go to the toilet or get dressed  

• lifting someone, helping them use the stairs   

• cooking, doing the housework or going shopping because an adult can’t do it  

• managing money and paying bills   

• collecting benefits and prescriptions  

• giving medication to an adult or sibling  

• going with someone to the doctor or hospital  

• look after a brother or sister and make sure they’re safe  

• translating or interpreting for someone  

• cheering someone up or helping them when they are feeling down  

E is 15 years old and a Young Carer for her mum. 

This lived experience was captured during a group session. E worked 1 to 1 with a youth worker, the youth worker asked the questions, and these were E’s answers.  

What is a Young Carer? 

E – Looking after someone when your young, under the age of 18. This might be your mum, dad or sibling and they have some form of mental or physical disability, and they need some extra help.  

How did you find out you were a Young Carer? 

E – I found out through my family worker at the time, who mentioned it in conversation with me and this helped me realise that I am a Young Carer and what this is. This made me feel some relief that it wasn’t just me and there was a name for it. I realised that I wasn’t strange for worrying about my mum and always being with her.  

How does being a Young Carer affect you?  

E – I’m a lot more stressed than most of my peers, I cry when I have to go to school when my mum is having a bad day. It’s made me a lot more aware of the world around me, I’ve had to grow up quickly. When I was younger, when everyone else was going to the park, I was having to do household tasks and think about what I could do to help my mum.  

What support have you received and how does this help?  

E – I was referred to a Leicestershire Young Carers group. I look forward to this every week, it gives me an incentive to get through the week, I enjoy going and seeing everyone there. It’s a place where I can be completely me, talk about anything that’s on my mind and have some time away from home. 

I also received some short-term support from a Young Carers youth worker. I really liked her, she helped me with my anxiety, and I was able to relate to her a lot, she understood current issues and how they were affecting me.  

What people should look for and how could they help? 

E – People should keep an eye out for someone struggling with going into school and fully engaging, might seem distracted, fidgety. They could appear anxious – fidgety, panicky, zoned out, not present. A lack of social life – cancelling plans, not seeing friends much outside of school etc.  

I feel it helps if people are more understanding of what it means to be a young carer, its ok for people to ask me about what I have to do and what the situation is. It would be nice for people to give me space to vent and talk about how I’m feeling. 

People to not get upset when plans have to be cancelled last minute.  

It really helps when schools and teachers are aware, and they understand that there are times I struggle with getting homework done.  

I would like School to have more understanding of the struggles of being a young carer and provide a space for us to go to when we’re feeling overwhelmed. 

How did you know you were a young carer? 

When I started this group. My sister is with CAMHs and my mum was like ‘ she’s got a sister as well who might need some support.’ I care for my little sister, she has severe autism, ADHD and anxiety but it’s mainly the autism that causes her issues. 

What do you do to help her? 

It’s hard to tell, she’s been like this the whole time. I think sometimes it’s more like I’m another parent rather than a sister and I’ve had to mature more for her. Sometimes I’d like to do more with her and not have to worry about her so much but that’s just the way it is now. 

How has coming to the group helped? 

It’s helped a lot, it’s a very open space and you can just say exactly how you’re feeling and everyone understands as they are all going through something similar. They understand more than friends at school and outside do. 

What do you wish people knew about being a young carer? 

I feel like a lot of people judge too fast. Like in the last few weeks I’ve fallen out with a friend of 10 years as she kept making jokes about people with special needs, not my sister but I just thought it wasn’t right. I was more annoyed than anything. 

How did you know you were a young carer? 

When I started caring for my mum, at the time she was in a wheelchair. At the time the carers wouldn’t always turn up, so I’d help her to get ready and make breakfast. My 2 siblings also have ADHD so I had to get them ready too as well as getting myself ready and getting to school on time. I started being a young carer at the end of primary school when I turned 11. I felt quite overwhelmed at times that I had to take on such a big role and upset that the carers wouldn’t show up, it was a lot to take on at such a young age and I had to learn to adapt. 

Does being a young carer make you feel different to your peers? 

You feel really different to them, although they're around your age you grow up different to them and you have a lot more responsibilities than them. It’s scary, terrifying you never know if something is going to happen in your family. It’s scary that you don’t know if your parents are going to faint or fall down. 

How did you get involved in the group? 

I found out through school, my mum told school about all the responsibilities I had. They gave me leaflets and numbers to contact for support. They referred me and I got a call, that said there was a space in the group. The woman came to talk to me about it and for the first time I felt safe to talk about my life and everything that was going on. I used to be scared to talk about it but this opened a door for me. 

How has being in the group helped? 

It’s made me feel happy to be around people who understand me and understand what I’m going through. It’s easy to be open and honest and because I can speak freely, I feel supported and understood by others in the group. 

 What would be different if you were not in the group? 

It would be hard to grow up with it all not having the support from the group. I would feel like I wasn’t supported maybe. 

What do you wish people knew about being a young carer? 

I want them to feel educated because they don’t know what it’s like. People are bullied for being young carers at school so keep quiet about it, I want people to be educated so they can understand and not judge other people. 

How did you know you were a young carer? 

I’ve looked after my dad since I was about 7 or 8. My dad has a back problem. I was 7 and my mum called an ambulance, they took him to hospital and when he came home he couldn’t walk. I call it ‘dad disease’ he was really fit before and would work out every day but after that day it all went downhill. Everyone in the family was helping out so I saw the struggle of my older sister keeping up with caring for him and school and stepped in to help. From then on, he has always been disabled. I’m going to see him and stay the night after group tonight so I can help him out. 

How did you realise your life was different as a young carer? 

It was like a movie, people describing their live, I was like what you don’t dook for your dad, bring him coffee, bring him a bowl, and do stuff for him? And they were like ‘no’, that’s when I realised my life wasn’t normal. It made me feel alone. I’m the oldest boy in my family and everyone else is a girl so I’m not the same as them either. 

How did you get involved in the group? 

Through my sisters, they were original members when the group started. Mum thought it would be good for me to get away from the house and doing stuff for my dad. 

How has coming to the group helped? 

When I first met Marg I was the most nervous person I could be, Nick the original Assistant was so kind and helpful, he really helped me come out of my shell. Coming here was like having a second life away from my dad, home, school and work. I could be me. I looked up to my sisters and that’s why I came. I was sad when Nick left but still enjoy coming to group. I’ve been coming here since I was 10 for 6 years and Marg has been here the whole time. Other than group my life is sleep, game, eat, repeat. 

What do you wish people knew about life as a young carer? 

I would like them to feel how I feel but no I wouldn’t want them to feel that hurt or pain. I got used to the stress, but I would probably say you don’t know what’s going on unless you walk in someone’s shoes so try to see things from the other side.